On Thursday morning last week, I had the opportunity to gather with other pastors from the Southwest region of our fellowship. It was a great opportunity to get better acquainted. It also served as a reminder that pastors like myself are regular guys with common life circumstances. I really appreciated the chance to have conversations with most of the men who were there that day. The church that hosted us provided a delicious lunch, and the fellowship was as sweet as the cherry dessert. The very next day, at the Church Ministries Conference in Grand Rapids, was our first opportunity to display our exhibit for Shepherd’s Friend. We saw many familiar faces and met new friends as well. Several conversations underscored the need for a ministry that seeks to encourage pastors. Jennifer and I are already following up with pastors and pastors’ wives who indicated they could use a little encouragement or would like to help us encourage others. Our display location ended up being right next to the display for a classical Christian school. I was thrilled to discover that Bob Davis, of Libertas Christian School, had actually been baptized at First Baptist Church in Wayland, MI, by my dad, Kenneth F. Pierpont, when he was a church planter in the mid-1960s, a couple of years before I was born. Shepherd’s Friend is largely inspired by my dad’s ministry of encouragement to other men over his 60 years in pastoral ministry, so it was gratifying to connect with someone who still remembered my dad’s impact on them so long ago. He did not serve in that position very long. After serving in Vietnam as an Army Chaplain, Dad went on to have a ministry assisting churches that we might refer to as a revitalization. He retired from full-time pastoral ministry at the age of 85, one week before the COVID pandemic broke out. Meeting Bob Davis, who was impacted positively by my dad when he was a young, inexperienced pastor, was encouraging to me. I am grateful to the Lord for the many connections we have made in the last seven days. Every day this week seemed to present another opportunity to encourage someone else in ministry. Even today, I was contacted by someone requesting a follow-up with another pastor who would appreciate some encouragement. If this past week is any indication of what my days will be like with Shepherd’s Friend, we are in for quite a ride. I ask for prayer for me, for Jennifer, for our Board of Directors, and for ministry partners to join our efforts to encourage others in ministr y.
Yesterday, we said goodbye to the pastors who attended the Biblical Counseling training conference organized for Bethesda Academy, which Northeastern Baptist Church helped sponsor at the Rizal Re-Creation Center. The theme was “Equipping the Saints to Equip the Saints.” It was such a blessing to partner with Allyn VanDyk from NBC and John Lehman from Words Fitly Spoken as we shared the last three days with a great group of pastors and their wives. My wife, Jennifer, participated with me in a joint session titled “Counseling Parents of Wayward Children.” She also taught a ladies-only session called “The Unflustered Pastor’s Wife.” My other contributions addressed idols of the heart, data gathering, assigning homework, and thinking Biblically about forgiveness. Allyn did an excellent job with the opening session, “Why Biblical Counseling,” and hit it out of the park with a challenging closing workshop on “The Unhurried Pastor.” Dr. Lehman led a two-session marriage workshop, conducted two role-plays with my wife and me, and taught a foundational session on “Seven Keys to Biblical Counseling” (Or “The Seven I’s of Biblical Counseling”). Our fellowship with these faithful ministry couples was rich and rewarding. We sang at the top of our lungs, and laughed and ate together. For me, launching Shepherd’s Friend will take up my moonlighting hours for the foreseeable future, but it was hard to imagine that the Lord wouldn’t somehow make a reunion possible this side of Glory. We give praise and thanksgiving to God for a long series of answered prayers that made this conference a reality. Allyn amazingly had a Kurzweil Keyboard there for me to play for our worship segments. That was so much fun!
Do you sometimes do something that contradicts your core values and undermines the very things in which you have invested much of your time, money, and energy? In moments like that you might ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” You love your family. You want them to enjoy a peaceful home. You hope to provide an example for them to follow, and you would like them to look up to you. But, in a moment of offense, you slam a door, speak harshly, or even throw things. These irrational behaviors are telling you something helpful if you want to listen. Do you remember the last few incidents in which you acted out irrationally? Can you identify a pattern? Are the people you say you love walking on eggshells around you because you are known for becoming defensive, stomping off, sulking, or becoming sarcastic? Maybe you erupt into a monologue that your wife or children are helpless to escape. You give a speech to your captive audience to convince them that you are a great guy, and would be even better if it wasn’t for them and what they are doing to trigger you. You attempt to explain your behavior by accusing them of pushing you too far. If you could be convinced that the problem is in you and can be fixed, would you listen to someone tell you how to change? There is hope. I know because I am in the change process too. I found something that helps me stop reaching for those old worn-out responses that ultimately hurt the ones I love. I can’t give six weeks of counseling in one post, but I can tell you that you lie to yourself more than anyone has ever lied to you. The messages you repeat to your mind are the thinking that precedes your choices. Until you identify the lies you are telling yourself, you are prone to return to one form or another of those destructive, irrational behaviors, and failing to identify those lies will cost you. It may cost you quite a lot. A man who believes he deserves respect and cannot live without it may find himself demanding, angry, and lonely, venting on social media after losing his friends, being pushed out of his job, and being ignored by his family. If you are ready to identify the lies you have been telling yourself, here’s a starting point. Pray this from Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.” Read your Bible. As you discover the truth in the Scripture, ask God to help you identify the lies you have been believing. You may feel like you don’t have anyone you can talk to, but you could reach out to me, or another biblical counselor, who is trained to help you identify those lies and replace them with truth. Wouldn’t it be liberating for those disappointing moments to decrease in frequency and severity?
